So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
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if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
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Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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