Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
