I'm lost and stupid without you.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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