Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
