Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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