quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
