I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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