I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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