im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Drunk is not a location!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
