i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
