As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
