After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
how do you play pong handcuffed?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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