Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
