woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
