you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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