after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
