I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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