your room smells of hookers.
And success
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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