If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
