Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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