Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
