Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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