I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
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