Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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