dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
