When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
