Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
