his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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