I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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