idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
