I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
