dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
