Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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