did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
