In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
you made out with another girl for some wings
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
