I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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