there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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