I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
