Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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