If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
