Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
