the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
