It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
