He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
