is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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