Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
