My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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