32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
