Tell her she can't have a vagina
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Fuck me I smell like cheese
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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