Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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