I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
