is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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