You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
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bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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