I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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