He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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