Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
