I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Terrible idea I love it
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
