I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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