I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
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