Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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