S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize