I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize