I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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