I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
