remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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