so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
