Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
3 2 1 whiskey
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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